rainy thoughts

1:29:00 PM

If there is one thing I have learned it's that it's okay to feel sad sometimes.

 Depression is a difficult thing to deal with, it's something I have had to come to terms with over the years and something that only last year I had to learn how to handle when in the deepest rut. It's a terrible feeling, it's like being hollow-chested, constantly tired, like there is a fog hanging around in my brain keeping me from reaching out for the things I desire and the things I need to function normally.

Today has been an exceptionally difficult day, and without getting into it too much it's been a lot of me realizing that I can want things for myself that aren't conventional. I don't need to feel like I'm in a corner just because I don't want what I think I should want. Today was the sort of day that my disappointment in what is going on finally prompted me to just sigh and shake off the last few weeks. Well, shake off the best I am able, which is more of a little raincloud sitting inside my chest and just being dark instead of rainy and dark.

As weird as it seems rainy days like today make me feel better and make me want to do more for myself. Falling asleep to a noise machine of thunderstorms every night (the Rain Rain app) soothes me, so it only makes sense that it's one of those things that helps clear my head too.

Of course I had to go out into the rain, mostly to wear the new Hunter boots that Mike got me for my birthday/ our 2 year anniversary, and it felt nice to kind of clear my head that way. I think for the rest of the weekend I'll be offline, I have a cousin's grad party tomorrow from high school, date night tonight, possibly helping Kacco (my grandma) out tomorrow before the grad party. Sunday we go to pick up Mary Kathryn's wedding dress and take it back to Kacco's to be fitted a bit more. So it's already a full-ish weekend, but that should give me plenty to write about on Monday.


rain rain app



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